Red Forman with the word "Dumbass."

A Rant on Stupidity: The Obvious Needs to Be Said

We share this planet with some truly stupid ass motherfuckers. Let’s state the obvious because, apparently, it bears repeating.

Vaccines: The Lifesavers

Vaccines save lives. They prevent or lessen the severity of illnesses and contribute to herd immunity to protect those who cannot be immunized.

And let me be crystal clear:

  • Vaccines do not cause autism.
  • Vaccines do not have microchips.

If you still believe that nonsense, get your head out of your ass.

Thank you, scientists!

Raw Milk: A Recipe for Disaster

Raw milk isn’t some magical elixir of health. It can contain piss, shit, and the bacteria that come with them. Pasteurization exists for a reason—it kills harmful bacteria.

There are no added health benefits to drinking raw milk, and most adults don’t even need to consume large amounts of dairy. So stop fucking drinking it like it’s going to save your life. It won’t.

Woody Harrilson's character from Kingpen, drinking from a bucket after "milking" a bull. The caption reads: "We don't have a cow!"

High Tariffs: Ferris Bueller’s Economics Class Was Important

High tariffs are fucking bad. Mkay?

Most of you seem to have skipped the lesson on the Smoot–Hawley Tariff Act.

Who suffers when tariffs go up? Oh, that’s right—you. Someone has to pay that increase, and it sure as hell won’t be the corporations.

Climate Change: It’s Real, You Idiots

Climate change is real, and the rate of change is accelerating due to human activity. For the slow learners:

  • Climate change refers to long-term shifts and trends in weather, not whether it’s snowing in your backyard this winter.

Here’s a tip: educate yourselves before opening your mouths. Watch a video, read a book, or—hell—use Google.

Constellations and Conspiracies: Are You Kidding Me?

Some asshat thought a constellation was a drone. Seriously.

Now Marge is threatening to shoot at what? Imaginary Jewish space laser drones? The level of stupidity here is staggering. Stop embarrassing yourselves and the rest of humanity.

Get outta here!

Social Security: The Government Screwed You

Social Security isn’t the problem, no matter what the likes of Elon Musk or the GOP tell you.

Here’s the truth:

  • Between 1984 and 2009, Social Security had a surplus.
  • The government, in its infinite wisdom, spent that surplus and issued special bonds for repayment later.

Since 2010, Social Security has been running at a deficit, needing to cash in those bonds to keep up with expenditures. The problem isn’t Social Security—the government uses it as their piggy bank. Dumbasses.

racoon stealing cookie

This whole mess could’ve been avoided if the government hadn’t stuck its greedy hand in the cookie jar.

Eggs: Simple Economics

Egg prices are high because of supply and demand.

  • Supply is low because H1N1 has been decimating the chicken population.
  • When supply drops, prices rise. Basic economics.

And yet, some of you believed the bullshit about prices magically dropping.

Spongebob Squarepants Chicken

You dumb motherfuckers.